Never thought you would end up in a situation like this? All the good times, when your spouse was the life of the party; they could really hold their booze. These early signs suggest things were not going in the right direction from the beginning. Now you realize your spouse is a drunk.
It can feel very helpless when you try to do something about your situation. Here are some things you can do if you are married to an alcoholic.
Learn to end enabling behavior
You can become an enabler without even realizing. The alcoholic rarely takes responsibility for their own actions. Their behavior is irrational and impulsive. This leaves you in a very vulnerable position. If it's going to get done YOU do it.
Staying an enabler doesn't have to happen. There are peer groups like Al-Anon where you can talk with others who are in the process of learning how not to enable.
Pick up a book like "Co-dependency No More" written by Melody Beatty. It tells of her personal journey and how she stopped enabling.
Set boundaries and keep them
Decide about what you will and won't accept. Establish some healthy boundaries that will work for you. Then you need to keep them.
Let me give you an example. I will no longer buy your booze. This is clear and to the point. It does not change the alcoholic but it removes you from any responsibility of getting alcohol.
As you can see, when you begin to establish boundaries you become less and less responsible until eventually you have shifted all of the responsibility to the person where it belongs...the alcoholic.
Make healthy choices for yourself
What are some of the healthy choices you have neglected? I've seen it so many times where the spouse is a drunk and personal issues are put on the back burner.
When is the last time you had a physical? Do you need to start that exercise program you always promised yourself? Maybe it is a new hobby you always wanted to do. This is the time for you to do those things that care for who you are and what you need.
Initially you may feel a little guilty. This feeling will go away as you understand your spouse is making choices and YOU need to make choices as well. The primary difference is you are planning on healthy choices.
Re-Discover YOU
Your identity can get lost in caring for and about an alcoholic. Time spend just trying to survive the chaos can now be devoted to finding out what YOUR priorities are both now and into the future.
Spouses of alcoholics often stop dreaming because they keep getting their ideas destroyed by the drinking. It is time to begin recognizing your dreams are dependent on what you choose to do and where you choose to put your efforts.
Remember the person you were and what you wanted for your life? Take control of your dreams, re-discover who you are and begin the step by step effort to realize what you really want.
If you or someone you know is looking for addiction support for families and friends of addicts visit FreeMyAddict.com to get them the help they need.
No comments:
Post a Comment