How do you get through to an alcoholic? This question is no doubt one of the most common questions to ask if you are family or friend to an alcoholic. Here are three tips to help you with the get through.
Take advantage of remorse
When an alcoholic is in the middle of a good drunk there is no real reason to try to hold a conversation. One of two things will happen. S/he will not be able to use good judgment about what you discuss or s/he will not remember it the next day. Either way the result is the same. You don't get through.
The most effective time to discuss anything of importance with an alcoholic is when they begin to sober up. It is common for remorse to set in. Sometimes remorse is obvious because it's made with statements like, "It's vodka, it always does that to me".
The experience of withdrawal is uncomfortable, it's one of the greatest motivators. The result often is remorse. Even when the alcoholic in your life does not act like they have any feelings about withdrawal you can bet they think it.
The simple rule is this, small talk when drinking or drunk, meaningful talk when sobering or sober. This is the best way to get through to an alcoholic.
Refuse to fix it
There are so many things an alcoholic needs to have fixed. The excuses cover just about everything from work, social, emotional and more.
When the alcoholic is into the booze it's not uncommon for children to be given an excuse to try and fix the 'non-existent' relationship.
Work is given an excuse to cover for why the alcoholic is going to be absent another Monday morning. S/he's sick or some other unlikely lie just to cover and fix it.
What would happen if you trying to fix it? When you allow the alcoholic in your life to bear the responsibility for their own behavior good things happen.
It requires him/her to have consequences. The result is a tangible event in their life that requires a response.
When this becomes the default response you take the alcoholic is given opportunity to 'hit bottom'. This is where they need to reach. It's the point where drinking is not worth the pain. Recovery is not far away.
Tough love approach
Not everyone who is alcoholic needs to have tough love applied to their situation. On the other hand there are many who will respond to nothing less.
Tough love is where a very clear consequence is established. It's clearly communicated to the alcoholic and it must be kept by family and friends.
It may look like, as long as you drink you will be responsible for your own food, transportation and a place to live. This means the alcoholic won't be made meals, be driven to work or anywhere else and they are not to spend the night even if it's on the couch.
You may think this is too hard to do. That's why it's called tough love. It's not only difficult to do but it's even more difficult to keep when you hear the pleas from your alcoholic to 'just this time'.
The key with tough love is to be clear with what the limits are and follow through without waver. If you do eventually you'll get through to your alcoholic.
These tips are just a few ideas to help you get through when the time is right. You may need to try them many times before you get the desired result. They make a big difference as you practice them.
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