What I'm about to suggest to will sound counter-intuitive.
My advice is for you to STOP.
Yes, there are three things you need to stop and it will help the addict in their own efforts to quit.
Stop the Excuses
One of the most common habits of family or friends of an addict is to make excuses for them. They range from he doesn't feel well to he's entitled to a few because he works hard.
The excuses make it easier for the addict to hide.
They already experience a great sense of denial over what is really happening with their use. They minimize their use yet will do almost anything to get more.
When you determine to end the excuse making it changes the picture. The person who is addicted has to begin to face the consequences of their own behaviors. This is a good thing.
Stop the Blame Game
There are two parties to the blame game, you and the addict. It is very easy to blame them because they do it to themselves, right?
It is not quite that easy. There are many factors involved including some genetic components. Nevertheless, the tendency is still there to want to blame them.
It serves no real purpose because it only contributes to defensiveness and increases their hold on denial.
Just ask them they will have dozens of reasons why they use and it is always someone else's fault.
When it comes to you the second part it is a little harder to admit but much easier to control. It is important for you to quit blaming yourself for the addict's behavior.
The blame sounds like "if I was only better to him/her" or "nothing I do makes a difference". It is perfectly understandable why you may think these things but they do not help you or the addict.
When you stop taking on responsibility for his behavior the blame game stops. You will feel better and it puts pressure on the addict to become responsible for themselves.
Stop Covering For Them
When you quit covering for the addict and making excuses your role changes to encouraging good choices. You learn to listen, offer empathy and support but don't try to fix anything.
If they continue use...They clean up the messes, talk to the boss and explain things to friends and so on.
When they stop using here are resources you can put in front of them to help:
Local Support Programs
Alcoholics AnonymousSMART RecoveryCelebrate Recovery
Motivation to change is one of the most important factors in establishing a successful recovery. This has to come from the person who is trying to stop the addiction. It is your task to master these 3 tips to be the support you can be for them.
If you or someone you know is looking for addiction support for families and friends of addicts visit FreeMyAddict.com to get them the help they need.
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