There is a growing rumbling about the failure of the addiction field to adequately address the needs of its clients. Every one can probably think of a favorite celebrity who has been in and out of rehab more than a dozen times with no apparent success. Panicked parents will send a teen who is experimenting with pot into horrendous boot camps or shuttle them off to alateen meetings only to see things get worse, much worse. Self help support groups routinely mandated by the courts as a treatment for drug/alcohol abuse despite a great deal of evidence that their efficacy rate in maintaining long term sobriety is negligible. No wonder there is grumbling; why do we keep banging our heads against the proverbial wall?
Addiction counseling is plagued by several factors that limit its success, not the lest of which is the glamorization of the addiction counselor as some sort of all knowing TV deity issuing judgmental proclamations about people he or she has has never personally met. There are several of these individuals out there; their "treatment" protocol is apparently based on the dubious tenets of shame, guilt and ridicule. While it makes for entertaining, self-righteous sermonizing that would make an old timey backwoods Baptist preacher blush in embarrassment, it does nothing to encourage an addicted person to seek out treatment. There is already enough shame and blame to go around as is.
The blame and shame attitude is at the core of an addict's "denial." The natural human tendency when aggressively confronted with one's misdeeds is to be defensive. We see this with our children, our spouses, parents, friends, colleagues and total strangers. Yet, when it comes to addiction, common sense communication skills aimed at avoiding defensiveness transform into finger wagging dramas about ruined lives, death and other mayhem. It is psychological preservation for any normal human to defend against this type of verbal onslaught so it is no wonder interventions are so ineffective.
This is not to say that some individuals do not have very destructive addictions: frequently they have and these should be addressed. However, shuttling someone off to rehab or continuing to enable them is not the answer. Nor is mandating self-help groups or berating them. These are forced solutions don't resolve the issue for them or anyone else and may actually be more harmful than not in the long run.
Education is key; an addict won't change until he or she is ready to do so. If the person does change, he or she will change in the manner that is more personally suited to that individual and this will almost never match the expectations of anyone else. It is the old rule of thirds: some will never change and will eventually need palliative care, some will struggle on and off with it their whole lives and others will "age" out of it. Moreover, some were never more than dabblers to begin with and over reacting frequently pushes this type of person past experimentation levels.
It takes careful discernment to understand where an addict is any stage of the addiction process. A thirteen year old caught smoking pot with other thirteen years olds requires a much different approach than a 38 year old who has been on the streets for a number of years. One joint doesn't equate to a life time of addiction just as one drunken binge does not an alcoholic make. Eliminating the hysteria and handling the situation calmly is of vital importance in actually resolving any issues.
A quiet word about what your feelings and refusal to cover up or bail the addict out of trouble and backing it up may be far more effective than all other treatment methods combined when dealing with a functional addict. We all do well to remember that, no matter how much we may love an addict, we can't control what they do or make them change. We can be compassionate, protect our own boundaries and set firm limits on their behaviors around us. If some day they are ready to change, they will. When and if this happens, support them in this change in as positive manner as you can, but always understand it is their process. Remember, shaming and blaming are about our feelings, not theirs.
Illuminosity life is a professional coaching practice dedicated to the high achiever who wants to move to the next level. This practice has been in existence since 2006 and has helped many clients create the type of changes they want to see in their personal and professional lives. Pat uses a variety of techniques to assist individuals in attaining their most cherished goals.
Pat has a master's in addiction counseling and is currently working on a professional counseling masters. She has extensive experience in behavioral health and working with special needs adolescents.
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