There seems to be two polarized sides in the conversation of porn addiction. The conservative side of the conversation that wants to ban all forms of nudity, and the liberal side of the equation that argues that consenting adults should be able to express themselves however they choose. But there is a middle ground in this discussion where most people fall- and this is when someone we love has a porn addiction. All of a sudden the discussion changes. And unless both sides can meet somewhere in the middle, we won't be able to create solutions in a society where as many as 7 out of 10 men and 4 out of 5 women are affected.
Sex is a pretty normal thing. Most people are uncomfortable talking about it. Fortunately for you and me, a couple of people were comfortable enough with sex to have us. But seriously, it should be no surprise to anyone that porn addiction is so prevalent. Human beings are sexual creatures. We are curious. Combine that with the anonymous factor of the internet that allows us to act in ways that we couldn't get away with in society, and you have the fastest growing addiction in the world. Okay. So it's normal to deal with this. That still doesn't help the spouse of a porn addict who spends more time at the computer than with them.
So what can we do to help the addict recover from a pornography addiction? The first step is to begin to understand this behavior in a way that does not shame the addict. This is a coping tool that they likely discovered in their very impressionable teenage years. It was incredibly effective at shifting their emotions. Without being consciously aware of it, they began to regulate the ups and downs of their life through a sexual release. Then they added porn to the mix, and learned how to manipulate the naturally occurring brain chemicals at the same time. They didn't know this is what they were doing. They just knew the experience was dangerous and intense. Before they knew it, they didn't know how to stop, and they couldn't face life without it.
For recovery to be effective, the person with the porn addiction must learn new ways to cope with stress and the ups and downs of life. The challenge is that most of these tools don't have the instant response that their addiction has. This leaves them in a very difficult dance with cravings and their brain tries to get them to go back to the old escape. Over time, and with lots of effort and support, they can reprogram their brain to deal with life differently, and then there is less need for the old outlet. And sometimes, they will have cravings to go back. This is just reality, so it's good to plan for it.
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