3 Tips for Trying to Get Through to an Alcoholic

How do you get through to an alcoholic? This question is no doubt one of the most common questions to ask if you are family or friend to an alcoholic. Here are three tips to help you with the get through.

Take advantage of remorse

When an alcoholic is in the middle of a good drunk there is no real reason to try to hold a conversation. One of two things will happen. S/he will not be able to use good judgment about what you discuss or s/he will not remember it the next day. Either way the result is the same. You don't get through.

The most effective time to discuss anything of importance with an alcoholic is when they begin to sober up. It is common for remorse to set in. Sometimes remorse is obvious because it's made with statements like, "It's vodka, it always does that to me".

The experience of withdrawal is uncomfortable, it's one of the greatest motivators. The result often is remorse. Even when the alcoholic in your life does not act like they have any feelings about withdrawal you can bet they think it.

The simple rule is this, small talk when drinking or drunk, meaningful talk when sobering or sober. This is the best way to get through to an alcoholic.

Refuse to fix it

There are so many things an alcoholic needs to have fixed. The excuses cover just about everything from work, social, emotional and more.

When the alcoholic is into the booze it's not uncommon for children to be given an excuse to try and fix the 'non-existent' relationship.

Work is given an excuse to cover for why the alcoholic is going to be absent another Monday morning. S/he's sick or some other unlikely lie just to cover and fix it.

What would happen if you trying to fix it? When you allow the alcoholic in your life to bear the responsibility for their own behavior good things happen.

It requires him/her to have consequences. The result is a tangible event in their life that requires a response.

When this becomes the default response you take the alcoholic is given opportunity to 'hit bottom'. This is where they need to reach. It's the point where drinking is not worth the pain. Recovery is not far away.

Tough love approach

Not everyone who is alcoholic needs to have tough love applied to their situation. On the other hand there are many who will respond to nothing less.

Tough love is where a very clear consequence is established. It's clearly communicated to the alcoholic and it must be kept by family and friends.

It may look like, as long as you drink you will be responsible for your own food, transportation and a place to live. This means the alcoholic won't be made meals, be driven to work or anywhere else and they are not to spend the night even if it's on the couch.

You may think this is too hard to do. That's why it's called tough love. It's not only difficult to do but it's even more difficult to keep when you hear the pleas from your alcoholic to 'just this time'.

The key with tough love is to be clear with what the limits are and follow through without waver. If you do eventually you'll get through to your alcoholic.

These tips are just a few ideas to help you get through when the time is right. You may need to try them many times before you get the desired result. They make a big difference as you practice them.

If you or someone you know is looking for addiction support for families and friends of addicts visit http://www.freemyaddict.com/ to find out how to help an alcoholic.

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My Spouse Is a Drunk - What to Do If Your Are Married to an Alcoholic

Never thought you would end up in a situation like this? All the good times, when your spouse was the life of the party; they could really hold their booze. These early signs suggest things were not going in the right direction from the beginning. Now you realize your spouse is a drunk.

It can feel very helpless when you try to do something about your situation. Here are some things you can do if you are married to an alcoholic.

Learn to end enabling behavior

You can become an enabler without even realizing. The alcoholic rarely takes responsibility for their own actions. Their behavior is irrational and impulsive. This leaves you in a very vulnerable position. If it's going to get done YOU do it.

Staying an enabler doesn't have to happen. There are peer groups like Al-Anon where you can talk with others who are in the process of learning how not to enable.

Pick up a book like "Co-dependency No More" written by Melody Beatty. It tells of her personal journey and how she stopped enabling.

Set boundaries and keep them

Decide about what you will and won't accept. Establish some healthy boundaries that will work for you. Then you need to keep them.

Let me give you an example. I will no longer buy your booze. This is clear and to the point. It does not change the alcoholic but it removes you from any responsibility of getting alcohol.

As you can see, when you begin to establish boundaries you become less and less responsible until eventually you have shifted all of the responsibility to the person where it belongs...the alcoholic.

Make healthy choices for yourself

What are some of the healthy choices you have neglected? I've seen it so many times where the spouse is a drunk and personal issues are put on the back burner.

When is the last time you had a physical? Do you need to start that exercise program you always promised yourself? Maybe it is a new hobby you always wanted to do. This is the time for you to do those things that care for who you are and what you need.

Initially you may feel a little guilty. This feeling will go away as you understand your spouse is making choices and YOU need to make choices as well. The primary difference is you are planning on healthy choices.

Re-Discover YOU

Your identity can get lost in caring for and about an alcoholic. Time spend just trying to survive the chaos can now be devoted to finding out what YOUR priorities are both now and into the future.

Spouses of alcoholics often stop dreaming because they keep getting their ideas destroyed by the drinking. It is time to begin recognizing your dreams are dependent on what you choose to do and where you choose to put your efforts.

Remember the person you were and what you wanted for your life? Take control of your dreams, re-discover who you are and begin the step by step effort to realize what you really want.

If you or someone you know is looking for addiction support for families and friends of addicts visit FreeMyAddict.com to get them the help they need.

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Definition of an Alcoholic 1

In modern society in general there seems to be a lot of misunderstanding with regard to what an alcoholic actually is. In order to come to a definition of an alcoholic the first step is to find out what a "typical alcoholic" is regarded as being. A US study amongst 1,484 people who complied with criteria for alcohol dependence, carried out by the National Institute on Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism has resulted in the identification of five subtypes of alcoholics:

- Young Adult alcoholics: Young, but adult drinkers, with a relatively low rate of mental disorders, co-occurring substance abuse, and/or alcoholism within the family.

- Young Antisocial alcoholics: People in their mid-twenties with habitual drinking patterns from early on combined with alcohol problems. More than half of this group comes from families with a history of alcoholism, and approximately half of this group has a psychiatric diagnosis of Antisocial Personality Disorder.

- Functional alcoholics: Usually middle-aged, well-educated alcoholics with stable jobs and families. Approximately a third of this group has a multigenerational family history of alcoholism.

- Intermediate Familial alcoholics: Middle-aged drinkers of whom about 50 percent comes from families with multigenerational alcoholism. Almost half of this group suffer or have suffered from clinical depression, and 20 percent from bipolar disorder.

- Chronic Severe alcoholics: This group are mostly middle-aged individuals who experienced drinking and alcohol-related problems early on in life, with high rates of Antisocial Personality Disorder and criminality. About 80 percent of this group come from families with multigenerational alcoholism.

In all the subtypes we find a relatively large percentage of so-called cross-addiction (simultaneously addicted to, for example cigarettes, marijuana, cocaine, etc.). The young adult subtype is not likely to seek any help for their problems and cries for help by the other groups vary.

The most common form of help-seeking for drinking problems are through Alcoholics Anonymous and other 12-step programs, but generally speaking we can come to the conclusion that help-seeking remains relatively rare. However, from the five subtypes the Chronic Severe alcoholics are the most prevalent type of alcoholic in treatment, as two-thirds of these alcoholics seek help for their drinking problems.

The study found that the largest group of alcoholics are young adults. Twenty percent are highly functional and more than half do not have a family history of alcoholism. The study was conducted by Howard B. Moss, M.D., NIAAA associate director for clinical and translational research, and a team of researchers.

However, in my opinion, the only meaningful and helpful definition of an alcoholic must include the fact that it is an illness.

Dutch born author and artist Renate van Nijen has herself experienced the complexity of living with an alcohol-addicted partner. The secrecy surrounding alcoholism in society as a whole and the non-acceptance and judgemental comments from family, friends and outsiders that she experienced have driven her to write about the subject of alcoholism and alcohol abuse from an holistic approach. Renate invites you to visit her website where you will find a wealth of helpful information. http://www.renartsbookworld.com/

Original article

Am I a Recovering Alcoholic or Did I Just Quit Drinking?

I had a recent e-mail discussion with an ex-girlfriend-turned-friend-and-confidant over my recovery from alcohol addiction. She is a recovering alcoholic, too. We had a close but volatile relationship in the late '70s. Our e-mail conversations became very intense. Some of the things she wrote were quite interesting and deserved further analysis.

She brought up my recovery from alcoholism. I have over eight years of sobriety. I indicated that my sobriety did not include AA attendance, but rather a spiritual awakening of my own. She did not buy this type of recovering from a deadly disease on my own without an AA sponsored program guiding my way. I told her that she was wrong, but after thinking about it, I thought she may be right about my sobriety in question. She had a really good point I must admit. At first, I didn't know how to respond.

After all, I do take pain medications for my back pain since 1995. The doses I take have increased through the years. And I do believe I am addicted to this pain medication, so how can I claim I am in recovery since addiction of another type is present in my current life. Also, I admit on occasion I do drink a non-alcoholic beer from time to time. The difference in the pain medication addiction is that I do not take it for the thrill. I honestly take it for pain relief. I have injured my back because of industrial accidents, car accidents, and home-related accidents. I also suffer from degenerative discs of my spine. And I don't drink non-alcoholic beer on a regular basis, rather than rare occasions, and when the real stuff is present in company. It makes me feel accepted by the drinking crowd. I usually bring my own. I must admit that these non-alcoholic beers contain 0.05% alcohol. With that said, I do question my recovery from alcoholism or addiction since my ex-girlfriend brought it up for discussion. She may be right. Maybe my recovery isn't genuine. Maybe I should claim I just quit drinking. It is debatable. How can I be recovering if I do not do the program 100%? To me, what I have been achieving these past eight years has been nothing less than a miracle. My mission has been staying sober whatever it takes. And so far It has worked well for me. The truth is, I guess I just quit drinking.

Earl D. Erickson is a self-published and internet author. His main writing projects include alcoholism and drug addiction, depression, suicide, and grief. He has recently written and self-published a memoir entitled, The Journey of an Incorrigible Alcoholic: The Paths I Chose and the Ones I Didn't. His memoir tells of one man's story of his struggles with alcoholism, drug addiction, depression, suicide, grief, recovery, and hope. His book is available online at Amazon or your favorite online retail bookstore. Also, it can be purchased at his website: http://www.SerenityLighthouse.com. His other articles can be viewed at EzineArticles.com. He encourages and welcomes receiving comments and e-mails from his readers.

Earl's hobbies include writing, reading, music, photography, gardening, fishing, camping, and the great outdoors. He is a native and lifelong resident of Tacoma, Washington.

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